No, no, no… not in the fun way. Don’t get all excited, folks. Now that I have your attention {hehehe} I want to encourage parents to have “the talk” with their children. I feel that too many parents are fooling themselves into thinking that talking with their children about sex is not appropriate at a young age. I beg to differ. Children as young as 10 and 11 years old are having sex. Yes, HAVING… not learning about… not asking about… not curious about… actually having it. There are children 11 and 12 years old who are mothers. No, I’m not kidding. Google it.
No matter how you go about introducing the topic or exactly what information you present to your child(ren), keep in mind three essential things:
- Be honest.
- There is nothing worse than purposefully giving your child incorrect information. You may as well not give them any information at all because in the long run, not only are you going to confuse them but you are going to destroy your own credibility.
- Be thorough.
- When your child has questions, don’t try to avoid answering them. You don’t have to go into graphic detail, but give them the facts… and don’t speak to them in a way that sends the message that you are uncomfortable with their questions. Children pick up on those simple cues and will be hesitant to bring it up again. You WANT them to be able to talk to you! This way, you are in control of the information they receive and are more able to discredit myths and inaccuracies they may have already heard.
- Be clear.
- You may not be able to control what your child does when they are out of your sight. As your children grow into adolescence, they may make decisions that you disapprove of. This should not keep you from being very clear about your expectations as well as your family’s belief system… but don’t stop there! Let them know why you feel the way you feel. Reason with them and give them an argument which validates your wishes.
The more open you are with your child, the higher the chances are that your child will be more open with you. Discuss inappropriate touching. Discuss the ways boys try to take advantage of girls. Discuss how much pressure locker-room talk can put on young boys. Discuss peer pressure and how to stand firm despite it. Discuss confidence and reputation. Open the lines of communication early and they will remain open. Talking to your child is one of the greatest gifts you can give them. You would be amazed at how much of a difference it makes in their lives just to hear you tell them definitively what is right and what is wrong – what is acceptable and what is not. They may shrug it off. They may seem to not want to hear it. But when it counts the most, your words will play in the back of their mind and could give them the strength they need at that critical point when they need to say, “NO!”
When we had our second daughter, my husband and I quickly realized that we needed to continue to spend one on one time with each child to assure that they both felt engaged and important to us. After baby girl number three, we still hold this philosophy, but when the children outnumber the adults, it becomes very hard to attain this goal.
Last week, I wrote about my 
As soon as a germ enters our house, I always wonder, “Which one of us is next?!” I put multiple sanitizers around the house, I follow the germ-ee with a tissue, I bark at everyone,”Wash your hands!” “Cough into your elbow!” I use sanitizing wipes on everything, I try to minimize the damage. Because I’m in charge of the “damage control.”
Healthy children are healthy because of the practices of their parents. However, healthy children don’t always grow into healthy adults. As humans, we are creatures of habit… Emotional health, mental health, spiritual health, and physical health all tie into the development of healthy habits. Many parents tend to do so much for their children that they inadvertently prevent their children from developing good habits themselves.
Sitting down to a dinner with the entire family is a great way to stay connected with your children (and also a way for siblings to keep in touch with each other). There are a few strategies that I follow with my three children to keep things fun and stress free:
The Holiday’s are stressful enough.
No matter the age of your child, one of the major components of healthy parenting is BALANCE. You can give allllll the positive reinforcement in the world, but if negative behavior is not met with appropriate consequential action, your child is never going to become a disciplined individual. The goal is to help your child develop self discipline so that they are proactively making good decisions on the front end without your intervention. In order to do this, you must first reprimand them when they make bad decisions. Don’t just stop at rebuke, however. You should always combine whatever punishment is necessary with an explanation as to not only exactly WHAT your child did wrong, but WHY that was not the right action to take. Some things may seem as though common sense should serve as proper explanation, but not when it comes to children. They need to hear it… and they need to hear it repeatedly.