Children often have a difficult time knowing how to appropriately process their emotions. When that emotion happens to be anger, it can be additionally frustrating for parents and other caregivers. If you feel your child has become increasingly angry, reevaluate the way your family has addressed emotional expression. There may be underlying issues that have contributed to their apparent instability. Here are some tips to help you as you work to help your child process their anger in a healthy manner:

1.    The level of understanding and security provided to them could prove to be the single most important factor influencing your child’s behavioral patterns in relation to their emotional state. Parents often fail to realize how overwhelmed their child is by feelings of anger until they actually begin to act out their emotions. This can be especially detrimental to the development of a child’s ability to process their emotions since no attention is given to what they are facing. This is why security is so important.

• When a child is secure and comfortable, knowing the lines of communication are undoubtedly and indefinitely open between themselves and their parents, they are much more likely to express what is on their mind. I’ve noticed over the years that some parents become uncomfortable when their children reflect their negative emotions in their behavior and they tend to suppress those behaviors without dealing with the emotions behind them. This is absolutely the worst thing you can do to your child’s emotional development. Never minimize what your child feels. Conditioning them to ignore their own feelings will eventually result in feelings of emotional detachment and as they mature, they will become unable to make true emotional connections.

2.    Try to find an effective means of discussing problems with your child, and learn to be empathetic. You may not fully agree with them or understand why they feel a certain way, but you should still validate their feelings and let them know that you would like to help them work through their anger.

• Be patient! Consistence is the age-old rule to dealing with a number of childhood issues. It is the most important aspect of parenting – from discipline to training, and especially when helping them process their anger! Be patient with them, and whatever methods you find to work for your child, stick to them.

• Pay attention! The worst thing you can do to a child is devalue them in their time of need. Your undivided attention is an invaluable asset to you in assisting your child in developing an appropriate mechanism for coping with their anger. Most importantly, knowing that they can count on you for support in the minute they require it is going to significantly decrease their frustration.

3.    Don’t force them to articulate their feelings. Some children find it difficult to put into words what they are feeling. When you pressure them to find a way to make you understand, you add to their feelings of inadequacy when they fail to reach this expectation. Encourage them to talk to you – let them know you are there when they are ready, but give them the authority over when it’s time to say, “Ok, I’m ready to talk.”

4.    Help them figure out what is mostly triggering their anger as well as simple ways to create emotional self-diversion. Is there something in particular that causes your child to feel angry? Can your child possibly identify other emotions that lead up to their anger creeping up?

• Would it be possible for your child to keep a small notepad to write down specific situations that caused them to become angry and/or details about other feelings they had prior to anger? Often loneliness, embarrassment, frustration, feelings of inadequacy or insecurity are among the multitude of underlying issues that could lead to uncontrollable anger.

5.    DO NOT allow a child to dictate how things operate in your home. Often, when a child realizes their parents are concerned about them, they will use the situation to manipulate household rules and play on the heartstrings of their parents – often even turning one against the other – in order to get their way. No matter how difficult it may be, you should maintain consistency in responsibility, standards, and discipline. Likewise, your reaction to their angry behavior – even as it escalates – should be consistently calm. If you lose your cool, you set a poor example of self-control and further damage their ability to make sense of their own response to their emotions.
Above all, learn your child! Be sensitive to the cues you receive from their subtle statements and behaviors. You are their best advocate… and their strongest hope for learning to process their anger and other potentially unhealthy emotions. PARENTS make the biggest difference in the lives of their children. Helping them develop healthy habits now will make the roller coaster ride of adolescence a little bit less confusing – for them, anyway!