When it comes to your child, one of the most important issues you should be concerned with is the way they feel about themselves. To a child, the world is a huge place – a place that, for some, is filled with acceptance and approval; but for others, it is a world of uncertainty which presents judgment and ridicule. While there is nothing you can do to control which world your child lives in, there are a few things you can do to determine how your child responds to the world around them - and how they allow that world to affect and influence them!

There are endless factors that play a role in the atmospheric composition of peers around your child. Keep in mind that children can be cruel – often for absolutely no reason. When a child finds himself or herself on the receiving end of negativity, it can be a hard hit to their self esteem – the way they regard themselves. It can be extremely frustrating for a parent, but there are things you can do to help:

• Develop a constructive method of correction. When they are being corrected for behavioral problem, avoid questions like, “What is wrong with you?” or comparing them to a sibling or other child. Suggest ways they can avoid disobeying – counting to ten before deciding on an action or reaction so that they are more apt to think about the consequences would be a great start. Above all, always encourage your child by making him/her feel like they are a part of a team – that you are working WITH them to help them be their best because you know they can do it!
• Do not discipline or chastise when you are upset. We get tired, overwhelmed, and quite frankly worn out with repeating the same thing over and over again. When parental rebuke involves emotion, there is a higher chance of things being said that cannot be taken back. This small moment can damage your child’s esteem for years to come. AVOID speaking to your child when they have greatly upset you. Calm down, then sit down to handle the situation later when you’re able to address it in a more productive manner.
• If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times! … Many children are not capable of returning to previous tasks when they’ve become sidetracked without reminders. Likewise, a child’s thought process often doesn’t lend itself to reverting back to past lessons when making decisions. Do not tear down your child’s confidence by pointing out this flaw. Help them by finding creative ways to encourage them to think before acting. Their inability to control their forgetfulness in this area may result in feelings of inadequacy and make them believe they aren’t as bright as other kids. Be proactive by helping them to develop better habits which will result in fewer necessary corrections. Encourage them to do things you ask right away so they don’t become distracted. Also, instead of simply telling them the rules, remind them of previous consequences – the most effective are natural consequences, not ones you handed down. Discuss how a certain action resulted in your child – or another child – getting hurt.
• Tell your child how GREAT he/she is! Many children become victims of themselves… They don’t hold themselves at their value because they don’t hear it enough. Don’t forget to continuously express how proud you are of them, mention things they have accomplished, and always be vocal about things you’ve noticed when they weren’t aware you were watching. This not only says that you care enough to be conscious of their activities, but also inadvertently creates the understanding that you see/know more than they think you do
• Help your child find their talents. Many children begin feeling bad about themselves simply out of jealousy. They notice other children who are great at drawing, sports, singing, etc., and they start to wonder why they can’t do those things as well. Help your child find what they are good at and start developing fun ways to get them involved in those things on a larger scale. When a child is a part of something bigger than themselves, it makes them feel more important and healthier confidence levels mean they are less likely to succumb to peer pressure as they get older.
• Explain to your child why some children are just naturally vicious. Yes, it’s true. There are those children that are going to pick on others. Often, that child lacks self esteem and confidence and will act out of jealousy to try to destroy those things in his/her peers. It is best for your child that you provide the understanding that ignoring it will often make it go away {if someone can’t get a response, they typically grow bored}. Likewise, make sure they know they can always come talk to you without you getting involved. Children hide things from their parents because they don’t want to be the one who “snitched” and become ridiculed for running to mommy. If your child knows you will work with them to find a solution without stepping in to rescue them, they will be more inclined to bring their problems to you for your perspective.

Two things that are the cornerstone when it comes to a child’s self esteem start at home: love and encouragement. If your child is met with acceptance and approval at home, chances are he/she will interpret things differently when they are out in the world. It is true that perception is reality and if a child is not lacking acceptance and approval or love and encouragement, they will be less likely to seek it out. Security at home cures a multitude of childhood issues, including those of self esteem. Once a child’s esteem is low, it is difficult to build it back up. Be proactive! Teach your child how wonderful he/she is from the very start and give them a lifetime of advantages!