Nurture. As parents, when we think of the term “nurture”, it evokes a great sense of responsibility. We take our role as parents very seriously but, ironically, many of us stop short of nurturing the most important piece of our children’s growth. Ourselves.

For some parents, the question, “How do you nurture yourself?”, evokes feelings of guilt. There seems to be a disconnect in our minds between what it means to be a good parent and what it means to take care of ourselves. The fact is, a parent who takes time to nurture their own well-being not only has more to give, but sets the tone and example for how their children, and the family as a whole, will take care of themselves.

Are you nurturing your own sense of well-being? Or, are you so frazzled you have absolutely no idea where you would begin?

To help you get started, I’ve listed five simple things I do to nurture myself:

1. Schedule An Appointment with Yourself

Exercise is the most important piece of my sanity. The other day I was bemoaning a week’s worth of missed morning runs and yoga classes because of my crazy schedule.  When my husband asked why I didn’t just put a recurring appointment in my calendar, it occurred to me that if I schedule an appointment with myself each day, I would have to justify rescheduling or canceling it. Now when I look at my calendar I can decide where the priority is and, if I need to, I can reschedule my appointment with myself! Either way, that appointment is important and it deserves a place on my daily calendar.

2. Invest in A Really Great Water Bottle

A large percentage of the human body is made up of water, so it only makes sense that drinking water isn’t just good for you, but can make you feel pretty darn good. It might seem silly, but I have found that if I really like a water bottle I am more likely to keep it full and with me throughout the day. When you buy a water bottle consider things like the size, shape, and how the spout works.

3. Buy Fresh Flowers Once A week

I have to admit, my Scottish upbringing made this a hard one for me at first. On the surface, buying fresh cut flowers that will eventually die seems wasteful, but flowers make me smile. People who smile are happier and there is even a study that proves flowers can improve your emotional health. Whenever possible I buy the Star Gazer Lillies, their fragrance is so powerful that I can smell them the minute I walk in the door to my house, and that makes me smile…

4. Make Your Bed

It’s the simple things that impact us the most. No matter how chaotic the day gets, if you make your bed you have at least accomplished something! For whatever reason, I feel a sense of calm when the beds are made. In our house, breakfast is only served to those who have made their bed and have their shoes on.  For some people a clean sink, a clear desktop, or an orderly closet might take the place of a made bed. Whatever works for you, be consistent!

5. Always Have A Goal or Future Plan

Happiness. A sense of purpose. Motivation. Positivity. All of these things are bolstered when you have something to look forward to. Whether it is a fitness goal, a professional goal, or a planned vacation, make sure that you always have something to look forward to.

How do you nurture yourself?

This article was first published as Responsible Parents Model Healthy Self Care on Technorati.com

We will livestream our MomTV special Primrose Schools, Mommy & Me on Sunday June 27th from 2-4pm Mountain Time (4-6pm EST).

*I was not compensated for this post, however I will be compensated for my time broadcasting this live event.

Michele Obama’s initiative to combat the childhood obesity epidemic launches today. The effort, pegged “Let’s Move“, will focus on “four key pillars”: Educating parents about nutrition and exercise, improving the quality of food in schools, making healthy foods more affordable and accessible for families and an increased focus on physical education.  Whether you agree on the extent to which she has used her own children in as an example or not, you have to admit that this is a good thing.  Our kids are growing up eating junk food, watching TV that encourages them to eat junk food , and they are also getting outside to play far less often than they did while you and I were growing up.  Drive down any street, anywhere in the country, and the number and variety of fast food joints, where half of the food options contain more fat and calories than most of us need in an entire day, is overwhelming.  I’m not a “Big Government” fan but I do think that convenience has become the norm and it will be interesting to see what impact this initiative will have.

I couldn’t help but laugh when reading the following excerpt from ABCnews.com:

To help parents, the first lady said she’s working with the Food and Drug Administration and major food manufacturers and retailers to make it easier for parents to identify healthier foods by placing nutrition labeling on the front of the package.

Did we not have that earlier last year with the Smart Choices Campaign, in which Froot Loops donned the fabulously attractive and trendy green Smart Choices check mark?  I wrote several fiery posts here and on momactive.com blasting the program and the greedy scoundrels behind it.  If you missed it you can read about it right HERE and HERE. The quacks behind this ridiculous marketing effort have since stopped labeling foods with the Smart Choices check mark because the guidelines were so laughable that the FDA announced that it was looking into the “scientific criteria” used to designate foods that manufacturers who participated (read PAID) to take part in the labeling program.  The uproar surrounding the whole thing created a massive PR disaster for all involved and served as a lesson putting the big corporations on notice that consumers aren’t as stupid as they’d like to think we are.  I would love to hear what Michele Obama thought about Smart Choices.

What Michele Obama is trying to do isn’t exactly new.  I grew up with the Kennedy era President’s Council on Physical Fitness (which was actually just a renaming of the President’s Council on Youth Fitness started by Eisenhowerin 1956).  Remember the test?  The one where you have to try to touch your toes and where they measure your arm fat with the calipers?  I remember very clearly that I outran every boy in my class but I didn’t like the arm fat thing…  In any case, “Let’s Move” is similar to past government efforts, but perhaps the effort to increase nutritional education and improve the availability and cost of healthier foods will achieve a reduction in our country’s obesity rates.  Those of you that watch the show on MomTv will remember our discussion last week about a study that showed people responded more positively, and as a result purchased a greater amount of healthier foods more often, when given access to a reduction in the cost of healthy food choices in addition to nutrition education, versus those who only received the nutritional information.

Will “Lets Move” make a difference?  Let’s us know what you think!

No, no, no… not in the fun way. Don’t get all excited, folks. Now that I have your attention {hehehe} I want to encourage parents to have “the talk” with their children. I feel that too many parents are fooling themselves into thinking that talking with their children about sex is not appropriate at a young age. I beg to differ. Children as young as 10 and 11 years old are having sex. Yes, HAVING… not learning about… not asking about… not curious about… actually having it. There are children 11 and 12 years old who are mothers. No, I’m not kidding. Google it.

No matter how you go about introducing the topic or exactly what information you present to your child(ren), keep in mind three essential things:

1. Be honest.
   • There is nothing worse than purposefully giving your child incorrect information. You may as well not give them any information at all because in the long run, not only are you going to confuse them but you are going to destroy your own credibility.
2. Be thorough.
   • When your child has questions, don’t try to avoid answering them. You don’t have to go into graphic detail, but give them the facts… and don’t speak to them in a way that sends the message that you are uncomfortable with their questions. Children pick up on those simple cues and will be hesitant to bring it up again. You WANT them to be able to talk to you! This way, you are in control of the information they receive and are more able to discredit myths and inaccuracies they may have already heard.
3. Be clear.
   • You may not be able to control what your child does when they are out of your sight. As your children grow into adolescence, they may make decisions that you disapprove of. This should not keep you from being very clear about your expectations as well as your family’s belief system… but don’t stop there! Let them know why you feel the way you feel. Reason with them and give them an argument which validates your wishes.

The more open you are with your child, the higher the chances are that your child will be more open with you. Discuss inappropriate touching. Discuss the ways boys try to take advantage of girls. Discuss how much pressure locker-room talk can put on young boys. Discuss peer pressure and how to stand firm despite it. Discuss confidence and reputation. Open the lines of communication early and they will remain open. Talking to your child is one of the greatest gifts you can give them. You would be amazed at how much of a difference it makes in their lives just to hear you tell them definitively what is right and what is wrong – what is acceptable and what is not. They may shrug it off. They may seem to not want to hear it. But when it counts the most, your words will play in the back of their mind and could give them the strength they need at that critical point when they need to say, “NO!”

When we had our second daughter, my husband and I quickly realized that we needed to continue to spend one on one time with each child to assure that they both felt engaged and important to us. After baby girl number three, we still hold this philosophy, but when the children outnumber the adults, it becomes very hard to attain this goal.

But we still work at it… every day. It is not that we need to make time with each of them big events. We don’t need to take them to an amusement park or to the zoo. But we do need to give each of them a few minutes separately every day. For instance, my husband reads the bedtime story to the four year old every night. That is 15 minutes of dedicated daddy time that she is guaranteed and look forward to.

Other dedicated times might be to sit with the nine year old as she practices her piano, encouraging her and giving her undivided attention. We make puzzles with them, color, dance, let one of them prepare dinner with me or breakfast with Daddy.

We do also take time to make dates with each of them also. Again, it need not be elaborate or expensive, but just some time away from the house and the other sisters. It might be a daddy/daughter movie date or a mommmy/daughter picnic. Really, even when they get to ride in the car without two other screaming kids, they feel much more attended to and special.

The other day, as my nine year old sat on the edge of the tub keeping me company while I scrubbed the floor, she said, “Mommy, I really like this.”

“What?”

“Just sittin’ here talking to you.”

Awww, she filled my heart. But that proves that it really is the little things, those few stole moments here and there that will make the difference in your child’s life and grow that bond that every parents wants with their children. Hey, maybe you can even get them to scrub the toilet while you are talking!

Healthy children are healthy because of the practices of their parents. However, healthy children don’t always grow into healthy adults. As humans, we are creatures of habit… Emotional health, mental health, spiritual health, and physical health all tie into the development of healthy habits. Many parents tend to do so much for their children that they inadvertently prevent their children from developing good habits themselves.

As parents, personally living a life full of healthy habits is essential because our children learn a great deal from watching us – example is a major educator for children! To take the example we set and transform it into a course of action habitually executed by our kids requires conditioning them to make good decisions regarding things that directly influence or affect their health. Here are a few tips to aid you in assisting your child in developing health-conscious habits:

1. Rather than providing only healthy options to your children, start presenting them with several options and allowing them to choose for themselves. If they make an unhealthy selection, explain to them why the alternative is better for them. This helps them to understand the difference between healthy and unhealthy as well as why making good choices for themselves is important.
2. Purposely set good examples for them. Go out of your way to ensure that they actually see you make healthy decisions. This will provide you with a great point of reference for discussions with your child later.
3. Don’t make a huge deal about it when your child doesn’t make good decisions unless the situation warrants a major scene {like if your child exhibits actions that could potentially be detrimental to themselves or someone else}. However, go overboard with kudos when they make the right choices. Getting much more attention when they do something positive encourages them to continue doing so.
4. Be sure to recognize things they may not even think about. When they react calmly to a situation that you know upset them, let your children know you noticed how well they processed their emotions. Make them proud to possess a high level of emotional strength! If they choose a banana over a piece of chocolate… or commend them for remembering each night to say their prayers on their own… Give them subtle encouragement to continue doing things to develop positive habits which contribute to their physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health.

Comment and let us know:

What ways do YOU help your children develop healthy habits they will carry throughout their lives?

Sitting down to a dinner with the entire family is a great way to stay connected with your children (and also a way for siblings to keep in touch with each other). There are a few strategies that I follow with my three children to keep things fun and stress free:

Stop the short order cook syndrome. It might have been easy to acquiesce to a picky eater with one child, but once they get older or you add more kids to the mix, you are setting yourself up for many an evening spent on too much preparing and not enough enjoying dinner. Make one dinner (maybe allow for slight variations like a red and a white sauce served with the pasta) and serve it all at once to all family members. Everyone may not like everything, but they can just eat more of a different course to fill up.

Keep it positive. We used to do the ‘Best/Worst’ game where we all said the best and worst parts of our day, but I found that we spend a lot of time complaining and not focusing on the positive. Who wants to sit around the dinner table and listen to how awful everyone’s day was? Not me.

Get some conversation starters. There are many different variations like cards or books, but the premise is to ask an interesting question which will get conversation flowing. We have a variety of these in our house and our daughters love them, we actually end up at the table long after dinner ends once we bring them out. There are a variety of question you can find online as well just by searching for ‘Family Conversation Starters’. There is a great document here.

If it is entirely impossible to eat dinner as a family due to activities/work/school functions, then gather everyone to eat breakfast together.

It is proven that children who eat together as a family eat healthier, are less likely to be overweight, less likely to use drugs and alcohol and do better in school. It is just a great habit to start now that will keep your family close and create memories to last a lifetime.

The Holiday’s are stressful enough.

Between dealing with family rifts, sniveling with neighbors over your mooning Santa on the rooftop, or debating how much you really want to spend on gifts for everyone – there is always something ridiculous to deal with.

How about sitting back and taking it all in for once.

Seriously, do you recall seeing your child’s facial expression while?

• Turning on the Christmas lights for the first, second, or third time?

• Playing with the icky sticky cookie dough and dumping an excessive amount of sprinkles on those sugar cookies?

• Lighting the Menorah during Hanukkah?

• Waiting in line forever to sit on Santa’s lap?

• Building a snowman during the first snowfall of the season?

• Singing carols even if you do not know the words, while sipping on hot cocoa or apple cider?

• Opening up presents EARLY Christmas morning?

• Watching them interact with their grandparents – 10 to 20 times their age?

The list could go on and on…

Put the credit cards away, set the camcorders aside.  Be involved.  Be around.  Be active!

The moments you remember now, they will cherish at your age.

Peas Out!

~daddy b.

When it comes to your child, one of the most important issues you should be concerned with is the way they feel about themselves. To a child, the world is a huge place – a place that, for some, is filled with acceptance and approval; but for others, it is a world of uncertainty which presents judgment and ridicule. While there is nothing you can do to control which world your child lives in, there are a few things you can do to determine how your child responds to the world around them - and how they allow that world to affect and influence them!

There are endless factors that play a role in the atmospheric composition of peers around your child. Keep in mind that children can be cruel – often for absolutely no reason. When a child finds himself or herself on the receiving end of negativity, it can be a hard hit to their self esteem – the way they regard themselves. It can be extremely frustrating for a parent, but there are things you can do to help:

• Develop a constructive method of correction. When they are being corrected for behavioral problem, avoid questions like, “What is wrong with you?” or comparing them to a sibling or other child. Suggest ways they can avoid disobeying – counting to ten before deciding on an action or reaction so that they are more apt to think about the consequences would be a great start. Above all, always encourage your child by making him/her feel like they are a part of a team – that you are working WITH them to help them be their best because you know they can do it!
• Do not discipline or chastise when you are upset. We get tired, overwhelmed, and quite frankly worn out with repeating the same thing over and over again. When parental rebuke involves emotion, there is a higher chance of things being said that cannot be taken back. This small moment can damage your child’s esteem for years to come. AVOID speaking to your child when they have greatly upset you. Calm down, then sit down to handle the situation later when you’re able to address it in a more productive manner.
• If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times! … Many children are not capable of returning to previous tasks when they’ve become sidetracked without reminders. Likewise, a child’s thought process often doesn’t lend itself to reverting back to past lessons when making decisions. Do not tear down your child’s confidence by pointing out this flaw. Help them by finding creative ways to encourage them to think before acting. Their inability to control their forgetfulness in this area may result in feelings of inadequacy and make them believe they aren’t as bright as other kids. Be proactive by helping them to develop better habits which will result in fewer necessary corrections. Encourage them to do things you ask right away so they don’t become distracted. Also, instead of simply telling them the rules, remind them of previous consequences – the most effective are natural consequences, not ones you handed down. Discuss how a certain action resulted in your child – or another child – getting hurt.
• Tell your child how GREAT he/she is! Many children become victims of themselves… They don’t hold themselves at their value because they don’t hear it enough. Don’t forget to continuously express how proud you are of them, mention things they have accomplished, and always be vocal about things you’ve noticed when they weren’t aware you were watching. This not only says that you care enough to be conscious of their activities, but also inadvertently creates the understanding that you see/know more than they think you do
• Help your child find their talents. Many children begin feeling bad about themselves simply out of jealousy. They notice other children who are great at drawing, sports, singing, etc., and they start to wonder why they can’t do those things as well. Help your child find what they are good at and start developing fun ways to get them involved in those things on a larger scale. When a child is a part of something bigger than themselves, it makes them feel more important and healthier confidence levels mean they are less likely to succumb to peer pressure as they get older.
• Explain to your child why some children are just naturally vicious. Yes, it’s true. There are those children that are going to pick on others. Often, that child lacks self esteem and confidence and will act out of jealousy to try to destroy those things in his/her peers. It is best for your child that you provide the understanding that ignoring it will often make it go away {if someone can’t get a response, they typically grow bored}. Likewise, make sure they know they can always come talk to you without you getting involved. Children hide things from their parents because they don’t want to be the one who “snitched” and become ridiculed for running to mommy. If your child knows you will work with them to find a solution without stepping in to rescue them, they will be more inclined to bring their problems to you for your perspective.

Two things that are the cornerstone when it comes to a child’s self esteem start at home: love and encouragement. If your child is met with acceptance and approval at home, chances are he/she will interpret things differently when they are out in the world. It is true that perception is reality and if a child is not lacking acceptance and approval or love and encouragement, they will be less likely to seek it out. Security at home cures a multitude of childhood issues, including those of self esteem. Once a child’s esteem is low, it is difficult to build it back up. Be proactive! Teach your child how wonderful he/she is from the very start and give them a lifetime of advantages!

The choice to stay home is not always an easy one to make.  Moms face a variety of concerns when determining what the best choice for their family is.  These issues weigh heavily on our minds and are worthy of discussion.  Let’s explore 5 of the most common reasons women say they can’t stay at home….

1. My household depends on both incomes.
It’s true. It probably does, these days. The cost of living has greatly increased since women have largely stopped being stay at home moms. Have you sat down, and looked at all of your expenses? If you really analyze it, you might see many areas that can be changed or cut out completely.
Do you really need premium cable? Seriously, non-cable television networks have really juiced it up…there’s no reason to pay for profanity or nudity anymore.
Downsize to one car, do your own gardening, get rid of that gym membership you haven’t used since the “Rachel” haircut was popular, stop eating out, etc. You get the idea here.

2. I need to work to keep the health insurance.
Well, if that’s the case, you have some options. Ask your hubby to talk with his boss or human resources department. Perhaps his plan can cover dependants, see what can be worked out. It never hurts to ask. If that’s not an option, look into individual health plans, more and more are becoming pretty affordable, and there are many options out there.
Take a look at the Health Insurance Resource Center , they offer comprehensive consumer info on health insurance for any state. If you’re pregnant or thinking of becoming pregnant, check out the American Pregnancy Association for affordable healthcare.

3. I don’t have the resources or know-how to start a home business.
Yes you do. You just think you don’t. It really only takes drive, hard work and a little motivation, and maybe a good idea or two. There are so many profitable business ideas that require little to no start up costs.
What are your talents and or hobbies? Really think about it. We all have something that we can do, that others cannot. Are you creative? Start an Etsy business, sell on EBay, be a virtual assistant, dog-walker, party-planner, blogger…the list is infinite, just do a little research.

Or you can become a work-at-home-mom by convincing your boss that you are the be-all, end-all of your position and it would be in the best interest of the company if you did your magic…from home.

4. I worked hard to get where I am.
And? So what. Being the most important person ever, to the peeps in your home is sooo much more important and gratifying. Need I say more?

5. I Would Be Bored.
Oh right, like work isn’t a total yawn-fest most of the time. Let’s face it, life just isn’t that exciting all the time. I’m sure your kiddos wouldn’t find you boring, nor your hubby, when he walks through the door each night to a warm and happy home filled with love, because you make it that way.

You have a lot to think about, take the time to think it through and sit down with your spouse to figure it all out. Remember though, when you do what’s best for you and your family, everything else will work itself out.

Children often have a difficult time knowing how to appropriately process their emotions. When that emotion happens to be anger, it can be additionally frustrating for parents and other caregivers. If you feel your child has become increasingly angry, reevaluate the way your family has addressed emotional expression. There may be underlying issues that have contributed to their apparent instability. Here are some tips to help you as you work to help your child process their anger in a healthy manner:

1.    The level of understanding and security provided to them could prove to be the single most important factor influencing your child’s behavioral patterns in relation to their emotional state. Parents often fail to realize how overwhelmed their child is by feelings of anger until they actually begin to act out their emotions. This can be especially detrimental to the development of a child’s ability to process their emotions since no attention is given to what they are facing. This is why security is so important.

• When a child is secure and comfortable, knowing the lines of communication are undoubtedly and indefinitely open between themselves and their parents, they are much more likely to express what is on their mind. I’ve noticed over the years that some parents become uncomfortable when their children reflect their negative emotions in their behavior and they tend to suppress those behaviors without dealing with the emotions behind them. This is absolutely the worst thing you can do to your child’s emotional development. Never minimize what your child feels. Conditioning them to ignore their own feelings will eventually result in feelings of emotional detachment and as they mature, they will become unable to make true emotional connections.

2.    Try to find an effective means of discussing problems with your child, and learn to be empathetic. You may not fully agree with them or understand why they feel a certain way, but you should still validate their feelings and let them know that you would like to help them work through their anger.

• Be patient! Consistence is the age-old rule to dealing with a number of childhood issues. It is the most important aspect of parenting – from discipline to training, and especially when helping them process their anger! Be patient with them, and whatever methods you find to work for your child, stick to them.

• Pay attention! The worst thing you can do to a child is devalue them in their time of need. Your undivided attention is an invaluable asset to you in assisting your child in developing an appropriate mechanism for coping with their anger. Most importantly, knowing that they can count on you for support in the minute they require it is going to significantly decrease their frustration.

3.    Don’t force them to articulate their feelings. Some children find it difficult to put into words what they are feeling. When you pressure them to find a way to make you understand, you add to their feelings of inadequacy when they fail to reach this expectation. Encourage them to talk to you – let them know you are there when they are ready, but give them the authority over when it’s time to say, “Ok, I’m ready to talk.”

4.    Help them figure out what is mostly triggering their anger as well as simple ways to create emotional self-diversion. Is there something in particular that causes your child to feel angry? Can your child possibly identify other emotions that lead up to their anger creeping up?

• Would it be possible for your child to keep a small notepad to write down specific situations that caused them to become angry and/or details about other feelings they had prior to anger? Often loneliness, embarrassment, frustration, feelings of inadequacy or insecurity are among the multitude of underlying issues that could lead to uncontrollable anger.

5.    DO NOT allow a child to dictate how things operate in your home. Often, when a child realizes their parents are concerned about them, they will use the situation to manipulate household rules and play on the heartstrings of their parents – often even turning one against the other – in order to get their way. No matter how difficult it may be, you should maintain consistency in responsibility, standards, and discipline. Likewise, your reaction to their angry behavior – even as it escalates – should be consistently calm. If you lose your cool, you set a poor example of self-control and further damage their ability to make sense of their own response to their emotions.
Above all, learn your child! Be sensitive to the cues you receive from their subtle statements and behaviors. You are their best advocate… and their strongest hope for learning to process their anger and other potentially unhealthy emotions. PARENTS make the biggest difference in the lives of their children. Helping them develop healthy habits now will make the roller coaster ride of adolescence a little bit less confusing – for them, anyway!